Yeah. Not long ago, I've learnt what I actually want after someone confessed his love to me.
When he did that, God that made me feel messed up. I hate it when men tell me they like me. It makes me feel...umm...disgusted. I believe it is because it's hard to gain my trust.
Before, I didn't know what kind of characteristics I wanted in a husband. I didn't know what kind of a life partner I wanted. Now, after this thing happened, it became clearer that I need a best friend as my husband. Not just a random guy coming to my house asking my hand for marriage. Why? Because I need to trust you before handing my life to you. I need to know that you can be relied on living with me and accepting whatever flaws I have. Only after that I wouldn't be in doubt to marry you.
Yep, I rejected that guy who confessed to me. Well, not really rejected, but sort of like friendzoned him, telling him I don't have any hopes to give to him. God, he was so straight forward telling me that he wanted a wife with house close to him so that it would be easy to go back for Raya. He even told me his plan on when to get married. It was like he was sure that I would marry him.
Sorry bro, but the way you did it gave a slight hint of authoritativeness. I've never said that I wanted you, have I?
Hmm. At first I was really hesitant in rejecting, just because I'm afraid I won't have any luck with other men, thus causing me to be forever alone. But I gotta do what I gotta do, right? Yes, even though I am afraid of marrying, I am also afraid of living alone forever. Yes, it is true that I want to know what is it like living on your own and being independent, but even I would need a best friend by my side. Having a girl as my best friend won't do, because another guy would have her by his side and not mine. The only way I could have a best friend to stay by my side forever is by marrying one.
Huh. Yes. That is my idea of marrying.
But still, to marry someone is to trust him/her with your life, and to be living together by each other's side. How would you know that you are suited for each other? That's why I believe it is best to marry a best friend. Because you've already known him, and you've love your best friend despite their flaws.
Well, at least that is my idea of a best friend.
+++
Yes, I love my best friend and I know she has her flaws, but I accepted it and instead put emphasizes on her charms and beauty. You can't help it, when you love someone you will be blinded. But now that she's married, I know I can no longer have her by my side, and have her listen to my problems, or have her accompany me to go shopping or something. She is now someone else's. She is no longer available for me. And I have to accept it, and move on, right?
Yep, it's sad. But at the same time I should be happy for her. I can't be selfish and said I want to her to be only mine, right?
Hmm. La la la la. Anyone wants to be another best friend of mine? It may be hard to gain my trust, but once you have it, you will be that special someone in my life. I'll make sure you won't regret it.