Bismillah.
So my younger brother already got a girlfriend.
...I think.
The one you phonecall when everyone else is sleeping, and talk to each other in whispers instead of normally? Those are what you called BF/GF right? Unless my understanding is wrong...
Well, at least my mom knows about it.
Also, I think my eldest brother has one too. Girlfriend. The one that you phone at night when people are sleeping.
Good for him. I...emm...let's just say I'm concerned about him ending up alone and lonely. Well I don't want to use the word 'pity'...
Honestly for me...it's kinda awkward.
I don't know. Maybe it's because of the fact that NONE of us in our family has ever been in a relationship.
...I think.
Well, of course the exception being my parents. But the point still stands. None of us siblings has had a girlfriend/boyfriend at school at uni or wherever. So that's why it's kinda awkward seeing them suddenly have one. It's a...rare view.
Rare indeed that I feel the need to distract myself just to avoid hearing what they are talking about on the phone. I'd talk to myself, go do some work, ignore them...bla bla bla...
Really. Shows that I'm not really ready for a relationship I guess.
Or...
The fact that I show my love in a different way.
...
I DON'T KNOW!
Damn I know nothing about this relationship/feelings/emotion business.
That's why I always avoid it when people are talking on the phone with their couples. Especially the lovey dovey type. Even if it's between husband and wife. I feel like it's...a private matter. There are secrets only shared between married couples, that I shouldn't pry/eavesdrop on.
Or maybe because it's just awkward.
-Well there's a first time for everything.
I might want to be in a relationship, but I don't know if I'm being serious or I'm in it just for the experience.
...How did we end up talking about relationships again?
***
November 8, 2017
November 6, 2017
Stop telling me I'm not good enough!
Bismillah.
When I told my boss I wanted to quit, I told him my reason was because I wanted to go back to my hometown. He then proceeded to tell me on all the options available, where I don't really have to quit: I can continue working remotely, either as a part-timer or a contractor.
Heh, nope, I'm not a fan of working remotely. Especially when you still expect me to improve on my 'weaknesses'.
See, that's the real problem. I lied. I didn't want to quit to go back and spend some precious time with my family. I want to quit because of this culture in the office where they focus on improving those weaknesses you have. I'm not a fan of that. Improvements, hey, it's a good thing, but why focus on something you lack? Why not focus on improving something that you already have, like strengths?
I'm not assertive enough? I need to take on more responsibilities? I need to create my own 'recipes'? I need to plan better and have better goals? Dude, tell me something I don't know.
They wrote those in my performance review. Now I sound like I'm complaining. Hah, who cares. I'm not happy with it, so I complain. I told them that, that I'm not happy with how they do the performance review. The 'developmental areas' as they call it would always be the main focus. I mean, yeah, hey, they did write some 'strengths' in it too, like, how the colleagues like me, how I helped my colleagues...and how I do my job okay...
...BUT! Tell me, in that same performance review piece, what are your goals being based on? Yep, your goals are being set based on your WEAKNESSES. I'm not assertive enough? Your goals is to be more assertive. You also need to volunteer on more projects and thus take up more responsibilities. Heh, like you're not giving me enough work already *rolls eyes* And it doesn't help the fact that those goals were created by the boss, meanwhile the goals that you wrote for yourself were crossed out for not being 'grand' enough. Huh, then they added that I don't like getting out of my comfort zone. Yep, it's true, I don't like it. Are you gonna force it on me then? Huh.
And then those one-on-ones with the boss every two weeks, what are the main focus for that discussion? 'Developmental areas', i.e. WEAKNESSES. Ugh. Basically, what I'm saying is, dude, stop reminding me that I'm not good enough!
It's not like I'm doing a bad job at work. If I am, they would be telling me that. But no. They said that project I did was good, and they were happy with it yada yada. Then, the hell-- why do I get the impression that it's the opposite of what you said? If something is not broken, why FIX IT? It's like you're trying to fix me, thus giving me the impression that I'm broken. But you said I did a good job. But then you're telling me I'm not *insert adjectives* enough. Now you're confusing me!
Huh. I don't know, seriously. I don't know whether I don't like just this one job, or I don't like working in general. I mean, for sure other companies would have those same performance review every year, right? So there's always possibilities where we'll end up talking about my weaknesses again.
Dude, I don't understand these obsessions on weaknesses. Dude, we only have a few couple of decades left to live, why focus on the bad side of life? You only live once, right? YOLO. See good things in people. Encourage them on that, not try to put them down on something they don't have. Isn't that what we need to do to be grateful to God, by seeing the good things that we actually have, rather than focusing on what we don't?
...(◔_◔)
***
See how a 2-months break from stressful environment did to me? ...At least I'm not butching about work anymore.
Oh wait. I just did.
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
When I told my boss I wanted to quit, I told him my reason was because I wanted to go back to my hometown. He then proceeded to tell me on all the options available, where I don't really have to quit: I can continue working remotely, either as a part-timer or a contractor.
Heh, nope, I'm not a fan of working remotely. Especially when you still expect me to improve on my 'weaknesses'.
See, that's the real problem. I lied. I didn't want to quit to go back and spend some precious time with my family. I want to quit because of this culture in the office where they focus on improving those weaknesses you have. I'm not a fan of that. Improvements, hey, it's a good thing, but why focus on something you lack? Why not focus on improving something that you already have, like strengths?
I'm not assertive enough? I need to take on more responsibilities? I need to create my own 'recipes'? I need to plan better and have better goals? Dude, tell me something I don't know.
They wrote those in my performance review. Now I sound like I'm complaining. Hah, who cares. I'm not happy with it, so I complain. I told them that, that I'm not happy with how they do the performance review. The 'developmental areas' as they call it would always be the main focus. I mean, yeah, hey, they did write some 'strengths' in it too, like, how the colleagues like me, how I helped my colleagues...and how I do my job okay...
...BUT! Tell me, in that same performance review piece, what are your goals being based on? Yep, your goals are being set based on your WEAKNESSES. I'm not assertive enough? Your goals is to be more assertive. You also need to volunteer on more projects and thus take up more responsibilities. Heh, like you're not giving me enough work already *rolls eyes* And it doesn't help the fact that those goals were created by the boss, meanwhile the goals that you wrote for yourself were crossed out for not being 'grand' enough. Huh, then they added that I don't like getting out of my comfort zone. Yep, it's true, I don't like it. Are you gonna force it on me then? Huh.
And then those one-on-ones with the boss every two weeks, what are the main focus for that discussion? 'Developmental areas', i.e. WEAKNESSES. Ugh. Basically, what I'm saying is, dude, stop reminding me that I'm not good enough!
It's not like I'm doing a bad job at work. If I am, they would be telling me that. But no. They said that project I did was good, and they were happy with it yada yada. Then, the hell-- why do I get the impression that it's the opposite of what you said? If something is not broken, why FIX IT? It's like you're trying to fix me, thus giving me the impression that I'm broken. But you said I did a good job. But then you're telling me I'm not *insert adjectives* enough. Now you're confusing me!
Huh. I don't know, seriously. I don't know whether I don't like just this one job, or I don't like working in general. I mean, for sure other companies would have those same performance review every year, right? So there's always possibilities where we'll end up talking about my weaknesses again.
Dude, I don't understand these obsessions on weaknesses. Dude, we only have a few couple of decades left to live, why focus on the bad side of life? You only live once, right? YOLO. See good things in people. Encourage them on that, not try to put them down on something they don't have. Isn't that what we need to do to be grateful to God, by seeing the good things that we actually have, rather than focusing on what we don't?
...(◔_◔)
***
See how a 2-months break from stressful environment did to me? ...At least I'm not butching about work anymore.
Oh wait. I just did.
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
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