The unknown future.

Bismillah.

So what's your plan for the future?

This is the question for you, and for my own self.

The hell. I don't know the answer. I mean, I do have plans, but they are just what they are. Just...plain plans. Not yet hatched into real actions.

And I'm not too eager to face them. It doesn't seem so bright and sunny to me.

Other people can say, hey you got a brilliant mind, you surely will succeed in life. But reality *is* harsh.

Huh, seems like I'm giving excuses from striving to lead my own future.

Yes, my dreams for the future are different from what my mother envisions. And that makes me confuse. Should I continue with my plans, or should I follow what my mom says?

Huh. And people said "Discuss!"

...

You know what, I'm not gonna say anything.

+++

I wanna go travel to another country, especially Japan. I wanna learn more on different cultures, take what's good from them and widen my own views on the world.

I wanna learn more. I wanna study more. I feel like I wanna study my whole life. But the problem is, that kind of reason is not enough to be given to scholarship interviewers.

I wanna work overseas, leave the comfort of my own country and challenge myself. I wanna work with freedom, I wanna discover something new, create, make, innovate. Sounds like scientists and researchers.

Huh. Sounds stupid.

You know what? It doesn't matter.

Even though I don't want to say this, but...lemme just...

Whatever.

Imaginary

"Naqi!"

A bit surprised, Naqi turned toward that voice. It was her.

She stopped in front of him and lowered her head. She seemed hesitant at first, but then she looked back up and found his face.

"...Naqi."

By then he was much more prepared.

"Yes...Fuu-chan."

"Naqi."

"Yes...Fuu-chan."

No matter how many times she called his name, he would always answered sotfly, gently, with love.

Yes, he loved her. And would always be.

By then her voice already became a whisper, but a smile was carved on her lips.

"Naqi."

"...Fuu-chan."

He returned it. She took a seat right beside him. The usual spot where both of them would sit together looking over the sea.

For a moment, they were silent. She seemed to be enjoying the sea, but he knew better.

"So how was it?" A gamble there, he didn't know what 'it' actually refers to.

".....mmm....uh-uh." She shook her head.

He was right. There was something she wanna say.

"Uh-huh." He nodded to show interest.

"Noisy." She was clearly disgusted. "Far too noisy until I feel like I wanna bomb them all."

"Gosh. That sure sound stressful."

"I just want some peace of mind and I couldn't find it!"

She wanted to say more on what happened last night, but as usual, it felt useless to continue.

"What the hell."

"...it can be difficult living in a place not of your own."

"...Yeah, I know."

Oh, only God knows how much he wanted to use that opportunity to invite her to stay in his house, but he knew better. He should let her let it all out first.

"...Want a hug?"

She turned to look at him. 

"Naqi."

They both knew they couldn't have it.

Two souls, longing for each other, but divided by an invisible barrier.

"Naqi." She mentioned his name again, this time gazing deep into the sea.

"Fuu-chan."

"Naqi."

"Fuu-chan."

+++

What was it?

What was it that was stoping them from being together?

It's not family matters, nor does it involves money.

It was...reality.

Reality is hard, there's no doubt.

Therefore she turned to the imaginary.

Yes, Naqi was imaginary.

She refused to say that Naqi was just her imagination. She would say that Naqi did exist, except that he couldn't get out of her mind.

...

So are you saying that if Naqi was real, she would definitely be with him?

...

She couldn't answer that.

+++

The second barrier is most probably...fear.

A fear to touch. A fear to love. A fear to be close.

She feared that if she got close, she would get burnt.

She feared that her expectations, and his expectations would not be met.

...

You can say that she has a hard time accepting imperfections.

+++

"Naqi."

"...Hmm...?"

"Come, take me away."

His smile couldn't be hid.

"...Over here, milady."

Marrying a best friend.

Things happen for a reason, right?

Yeah. Not long ago, I've learnt what I actually want after someone confessed his love to me.

When he did that, God that made me feel messed up. I hate it when men tell me they like me. It makes me feel...umm...disgusted. I believe it is because it's hard to gain my trust.

Before, I didn't know what kind of characteristics I wanted in a husband. I didn't know what kind of a life partner I wanted. Now, after this thing happened, it became clearer that  I need a best friend as my husband. Not just a random guy coming to my house asking my hand for marriage. Why? Because I need to trust you before handing my life to you. I need to know that you can be relied on living with me and accepting whatever flaws I have. Only after that I wouldn't be in doubt to marry you.

Yep, I rejected that guy who confessed to me. Well, not really rejected, but sort of like friendzoned him, telling him I don't have any hopes to give to him. God, he was so straight forward telling me that he wanted a wife with house close to him so that it would be easy to go back for Raya. He even told me his plan on when to get married. It was like he was sure that I would  marry him.

Sorry bro, but the way you did it gave a slight hint of authoritativeness. I've never said that I wanted you, have I?

Hmm. At first I was really hesitant in rejecting, just because I'm afraid I won't have any luck with other men, thus causing me to be forever alone. But I gotta do what I gotta do, right? Yes, even though I am afraid of marrying, I am also afraid of living alone forever. Yes, it is true that I want to know what is it like living on your own and being independent, but even I would need a best friend by my side. Having a girl as my best friend won't do, because another guy would have her by his side and not mine. The only way I could have a best friend to stay by my side forever is by marrying one.

Huh. Yes. That is my idea of marrying.

But still, to marry someone is to trust him/her with your life, and to be living together by each other's side. How would you know that you are suited for each other? That's why I believe it is  best to marry a best friend. Because you've already known him, and you've love your best friend despite their flaws.

Well, at least that is my idea of a best friend.

+++

Yes, I love my best friend and I know she has her flaws, but I accepted it and instead put emphasizes on her charms and beauty. You can't help it, when you love someone you will be blinded. But now that she's married, I know I can no longer have her by my side, and have her listen to my problems, or have her accompany me to go shopping or something. She is now someone else's. She is no longer available for me. And I have to accept it, and move on, right?

Yep, it's sad. But at the same time I should be happy for her. I can't be selfish and said I want to her to be only mine, right?

Hmm. La la la la. Anyone wants to be another best friend of mine? It may be hard to gain my trust, but once you have it, you will be that special someone in my life. I'll make sure you won't regret it.