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April 16, 2016

Post gambar kat FB, Instagram, dan yang sewaktu dengannya.

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

Ramai orang post gambar kat FB, Instagram.

 Cantik-cantik belaka. 

Ada yang post gambar sendiri, ada yang post gambar anak, famili, ada yang post gambar tempat travel dan aktiviti.

Nampak bahagia je kan.

Bila orang tengok gambar-gambar kau, terdetik kat hati orang tu, 
-"Untunglah dapat banyak like. Muka licin/cantik/hensem."
-"Wah, best nya dapat jalan sana sini. Mesti banyak guna duit kan?"
-"Comelnya anak dia/Sweetnya husband/wife/famili diorang. Etc. Etc.

Sedangkan aku tau, dan aku yakin ramai juga yang tau, the happy pictures that you put up are just a facade.

Hey, life isn't all about rainbows and sunshine. And everyone knows, this is a fact.

Fakta. Bahawa bukan setiap hari kita akan nampak bahagia dan happy macam dalam gambar-gambar yang kita post tu.

However, it's not wrong to post them pictures.

Aku tahu, some people make it their life goal to be as happy as they can, so those beautiful pictures that they posted may act like their motivation. And this is not wrong. It's good, even. It is good, to have a dream, a dream of an ideal life that you wish to live.

So... I guess it's just me.

Aku...susah nak post gambar. Salah satu sebab, aku taknak tunjuk muka pada public. Macam-macam orang boleh buat dengan gambar kita. Photoshop la, sihir la, simpan buat stock la etc. etc. Not to say that I'm so famous that people want to keep my pictures in their wallets haha.

Sebab kedua ialah aku tak nampak alasan yang kukuh untuk kongsi gambar aku yang happy sangat tu. Sebab aku tau, hanya dengan sekeping gambar happy tu tak cukup untuk menggambarkan seluruh hidup aku.

Like I said previously, life is not all about rainbows and butterflies. Selain gembira, ada juga sedih, marah, takut...nanti kalau aku dah start post satu gambar happy, maka next aku pun kena post gambar sedih, marah etc. etc....haha, sebenarnya aku je yang susah nak post gambar. Susah nak post apa-apa. Tak tau nak post untuk apa.

Umm atau mungkin, aku ni yang banyak berahsia. Haha.

Hmm. Back to the main issue of this post. Post gambar dalam FB and Insta. Tak salah. Ya, aku cakap tak salah. 

But truth be told...I'm a bit jealous la. Haha. Tengok muka kawan-kawan, junior-junior, abang kakak yang comel-comel, kulit putih licin, tangkap gambar muka masam macam mana pun still maintain hensem! Haish macam mana la kau buat kan. Sebab tu kalau aku tangkap gambar, aku buat muka funny, hidung senget, jelir lidah. Sebabnya, kalau muka aku tak secantik diorang, at least muka aku dapat hiburkan diorang, buat diorang gelak. Haha. Hey, kadang-kadang aku teringin jugak nak post gambar macam korang. Muka comel, duck mouth (XD), senyum nampak gigi, fotogenik...Tapi aku tau, muka aku takda lah hadap mana orang nak tengok. Lagipun, aku malu kalau orang like gambar muka aku. Nanti nampak macam meraih perhatian (attention seeking) pulak. (No offense, just personal preference). Jual muka. Aku mahal. Kalau nak tengok muka aku, tengok depan-depan. Lol.

Kalau nak post gambar travel, hmm...aku bukannya travel mana. Pi mai pi mai tang tu jugak. Kerja, rumah. Kerja, rumah. Tak travel pun. Tapi jujur aku cakap, spend time dalam bilik pun best jugak. Aku ada banyak projek (read: hobby) yang aku nak buat. Yes, I have lots of interests and interests aku fluctuate over time. Kejap aku dah bosan hobi ni, aku buat hobi lain. Then, hobi lain. Then hobi lain. Then, patah balik kepada hobi yang first tadi. So, aku jeles la jugak tengok gambar orang travel. Tapi banyak sangat alasan yang aku boleh bagi untuk justify kenapa aku tak travel. Haha. Malas nak planning, tak ada teman, malas kumpul duit, malas itu, malas ini...dah, dah biar aku simpan sendiri alasan aku. Takut berdarah telinga (mata) korang dengar nanti.

Tengok gambar famili...haa aku no komen. Hey, bebudak comel pe. Tapi tak best la kalau tengok gambar je. Kau tau apa yang lagi best? Bila korang dapat spend time dengan budak-budak comel tu. Korang pegang tangan dia untuk ajar berjalan, tolong kendongkan sementara mak budak tu pergi shopping, buat budak tu gelak, bagi budak tu makan...etc. etc...Bila kau jumpa depan-depan, baru kau tau yang budak ni bukannya senyum memanjang. Lagi banyak tantrumnya dari sengih. Merengek, nangis tak kira tempat. Haha. For me, bila kau rasa sendiri, baru kau tahu, indah khabar dari rupa.

You see, that said, walaupun aku tak post gambar apa-apa pun, tak bermakna aku takda life yang happy. Ada je sekali tu aku pergi social activities dengan office, pergi water rafting dengan waterfall abseiling. Best gila siot water rafting tu! Tapi aku tak post satu gambar pun. Hmm. Sebab bagi aku, gambar tu tak cukup untuk menerangkan suasana keseronokan yang aku alami. Man, you gotta experience it yourself man! Takat tengok gambar, mana cukup! Kau kena rasa macam mana raft kau terumbang ambing dek arus, air memercik ke muka, kau lean ke kiri, ke kanan, just to keep the balance of the raft, ikut cakap pengemudi, kayuh ikut rentak...pergh...all my senses were satisfied. (Pstt, gambar kitorang waterfall abseiling masuk Siakap Keli kot! Haha. Nasib baik tak ada orang perasan)

Haha yep. Tu je lah pendapat aku tentang gambar-gambar tu. Ya, aku jeles la jugak sikit. Siap ada orang compare muka dia sama dengan pelakon Korea. Haha. Untunglah muka kau hensem bang. Tak pa, tak pa, just go on with what you guys are doing. Biarlah aku kat sini hari hari menatap gambar happy korang. Ya, aku tau, disebalik kebahagiaan itu, aku sentiasa remind diri aku sendiri, bukan setiap hari dia happy macam tu. Jadi biarlah, dia meniknmati saat itu selagi ia masih ada. For me, sedih ke, happy ke, marah ke...perasaan-perasaan tu akan jadi lebih berbaloi bila kita tengok dan alaminya sendiri di depan mata, instead of just watching it over the net or something. That way baru aku namakan berkongsi kegembiraan.

The end.

March 17, 2016

Ask yourself.

Ask yourself. Do you really need it? Do you really need the job?

Better yet, ask yourself. Do you need to work?

Hah. Honestly, I don't know. When I applied for it, it seems oh so nice, oh so beautiful, oh this job description is perfect for me.

Little did I know, little did I know.

How would I know?! GOD! How would I know when I haven't tried it yet? Ugh! That's how I learn? Why do you have to complain about it?

Hey, if you're happy with your job now, or at least you do feel that this is your career path, or this is how you imagine your life would be, then by all means please continue doing whatever you're doing right now. I have no objection whatsoever.

But hey, one advice: don't be like me. Where I am currently is not where I imagine my life would be. But I didn't know about it until I've delved deep into this mud called work. Now, I guess I'm stuck inside it. Only now do I know that I hate it. Heh. Reminds me of that story of the frog inside a slowly boiling water. It didn't realize it until the water is too hot that it killed it.

God, oh no I don't wanna be like that frog. But then how am I getting out of this? Or even, should I even get out of it?

Haha. Lemme ask the question: what's keeping you to stay?

The truth is bitter. The truth is, I don't know the answer to that question.

Is it for the money?

Haha. I guess. What else would be the reason?

Huh. I don't have a solid reason to leave.

January 18, 2016

Quit

Quit.

Quit.

Quit!

Ugh. I've been thinking about quitting. Not actually 'wanting' to quit...just...ugh.

Feels like I wanna stop doing this. 

Stop doing something that I don't care about.

Tell me, why the heck do we work?!

For money? Heh, I can do without much money. I wouldn't mind living in the jungle or something. Hah.

For personal development? Hell, who the hell cares about that? Well, maybe you do, but I don't. My idea of 'personal development' is way different from the job description.

Ugh. Look. Can't I just quietly do what I wanna do?

Huh. As an adult, you have much more things to take into consideration before making any decision. You can't be as spontaneous as you'd like.

So, I don't know.

I don't fishing care about this job, but I don't have a concrete reason to quit either.

I just wanna 'Screw you!'.