MONEY

Bismillah.

God, look at that.

Look at that girl with her two sisters. They look happy. She brought them around, showed them the city.

God, look at them.

Look at those people playing skateboards, fist-bumping one another. They look cool. They got the freedom to be outside even after midnight, no worries.

God, look at her.

Look at her when she went back home from work, exhausted and stressed out. We knew. But now she asked me to do same thing that made her unhappy.

God, look at me.

Look at how the boss is praising me, encouraging me for my work. But my doubts grow day by day. I am not happy, even confused.

God, look at me.

Look at how I envy other people's lives, being ungrateful for what I have. Yet, I am paralyzed, unable to make the necessary changes, if any is needed.

God, look at me.

Look at how stupidly I am trying to make myself happy, hanging out with friends, playing games, eating. But this is not living. It's empty. It's fake.

God, why am I wasting my 40+ hours a week, doing something I don't care about?

MONEY???!!!

MONEY???!!!

That sh*t. That sh*t that WE ALL NEED just to survive in this world.

WHY, DO WE DIE IF WE DON'T HAVE IT???

Ugh.

I think a lot on just living under the bridge, homeless. I mean, what worse things that could've happened if I don't have money?

But then, your family needs you. You need to feed them mouths.

OH NOES THEY DON'T NEED YOU THEY NEED YOUR MONEY! THOSE DAMN GREEN RED PAPER THING YOU KEEP INSIDE YOU WALLET/PURSES...THE THICKER YOU HAVE THE BETTER...

...

See how money becomes the thing that determines your life?

Oh don't you go around telling me, 'no, I'm not driven by money'...because it's all LIES!

In the end, you work because you want money. You go around searching for better jobs, even though you already have one, because you want MORE MONEY!

But...without money, how are you gonna put food in your mouth?

...

I don't know, eat grass or something?

See. Without money, YOU DIE.

***

God...forgive me. Please.

Who am I?

Fighting for a battle.

A battle, against my own self.

Who would've thought. That I couldn't accept my past.

What is it? What about it that I want to stay away from it?

Why, oh my past self, what did you do?

You know...I did nothing.

That's the problem.

I can't accept myself. For not being someone. 

For being lost right now.

Because now, I've lost who I was before.

People said to emerge from a battle with victory, you need to lose everything first.

Well, now you're happy huh?

That I'm no longer my previous self. 

That now, I'm no one.

Who am I?

Trying so hard to make a dent in this world.

It's you, against the whole world.

It's you. Alone.

With God.

The gamer in me.

The gamer in me persuaded me to write this post.

Games I've played (or at least tried playing*, or currently playing#):

On PC:

Prince of Persia 2008

The Sims 2

Mass Effect 2
Mass Effect 3

Crisis 3

osu!

O2Jam

Darksiders 1

Devil's May Cry 3

Devil's May Cry 4

Halo 1
Dishonored

Assassin's Creed: Brotherhood

Assassin's Creed: Revelation

Assassin's Creed 3

Assassin's Creed 4: Black Flag
Grim Fandago *
Dragon Age 1 #

Dragon Age 2

Samurai Warriors 2

Warriors Orochi

Tomb Raider 2013

Skyrim 5

Need for Speed: Most Wanted

Console games (played using WinDS emulator):

PSP:

Persona 3 Portable

The Legend of Heroes: Trails in The Sky

Kingdom Hearts: Birth by Sleep

Ys Seven

Hakuoki

Star Ocean: First Departure

Star Ocean: Second Evolution

The Third Birthday

Hatsune Miku: Project Diva *

Jeanne D'Arc

NDS:

Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney

Phoenix Wright Ace Attorney - Trials and Tribulation

Ace Attorney Investigation Miles Edgeworth

Apollo Justice Ace Attorney

Lost in Blue 1,2,3

Professor Layton and The Curious Village

Professor Layton and Pandora's Box

Professor Layton and The Last Specter

Professor Layton and the Lost Future

999: 9 Hours 9 Persons 9 Doors

Pokemon HeartGold

Pokemon Black/White

Pokemon Black 2 #

Pokemon Platinum

The World Ends with You

Ghost Trick: Phantom Detective

Scribblenauts*

Harvest Moon: More Friends of Mineral Town

Legend of Zelda: Phantom Hourglass*

Hotel Dusk: Room 215

Last Window: The Secret of Cape West

Trace Memory

Tokimeki Love Memorial 1

Castlevania*

PS1:

Legend of Dragoon

Others (GBA etc.):

Pokemon Red

Pokemon Ruby

Takde lah banyak sangat, tapi best la jugak gaming ni. Kat bawah ni pulak list top 5 games favourite aku:

5. Halo - One of the first shooting games I was introduced to
4. Tomb Raider 2013 - Good, realistic gameplay, good story, good graphics
3. Mass Effect 3 - Good graphics, good upgrade from Mass Effect 2, smoother, longer gameplay
2. Mass Effect 2 - My first introduction to BioWare, easy-to-understand gameplay, can make choices, well-written story/dialogues
1. Assassin's Creed 4: Black Flag - Beautiful graphics, open world, exciting gameplay, well-executed

Alasan aku, sebab aku suka game shooting, puzzles and Action-Adventure games more than RPG. Game-game lain yang aku list kat atas tu semuanya aku suka, dan semuanya yang memang aku dah search kat internet yang memang people list as the best in their fields. So boleh la nak cakap aku main games yang best-best je, games tak best aku tak main...haha.

Sources aku untuk dapatkan game-game ni pulak, kadang-kadang aku ambik dari abang/adik aku. Tapi untuk NDS & PSP games, aku banyak download dari emuparadise.me. Free je download games kat sini. Tapi tak semua ada la.

Untuk games PC pulak, ada jugak aku download dari oceanofgames.com (download gedabak 20GB), dan ada jugak aku dapat dari igg-games.com (download parts kecik-kecik). Dua-dua aku dah try, dua-dua setakat ni okay, tak ada virus, tapi banyak la pop-up windows yang tak sepatutnya -_-;... Ada jugak orang cakap boleh download dari pcgames-download.net, tapi aku tak pernah try yang ni. Katanya yang ni download 5GB macam tu.

Sekarang, aku still main lagi. Terutamanya Mass Effect 3, sebab aku nak try choices lain. osu! pun aku main gak sekali-sekala kalau bosan. Tapi Assassin's Creed Black Flag memang aku tak boleh lupa. Graphic dia, bunyi kapal bila berlayar atas laut, Edward yang hensem...>< More details aku dah tulis dalam post aku yang ni. Memang aku akan simpan game tu sampai bila-bila. Haha.