MONEY

Bismillah.

God, look at that.

Look at that girl with her two sisters. They look happy. She brought them around, showed them the city.

God, look at them.

Look at those people playing skateboards, fist-bumping one another. They look cool. They got the freedom to be outside even after midnight, no worries.

God, look at her.

Look at her when she went back home from work, exhausted and stressed out. We knew. But now she asked me to do same thing that made her unhappy.

God, look at me.

Look at how the boss is praising me, encouraging me for my work. But my doubts grow day by day. I am not happy, even confused.

God, look at me.

Look at how I envy other people's lives, being ungrateful for what I have. Yet, I am paralyzed, unable to make the necessary changes, if any is needed.

God, look at me.

Look at how stupidly I am trying to make myself happy, hanging out with friends, playing games, eating. But this is not living. It's empty. It's fake.

God, why am I wasting my 40+ hours a week, doing something I don't care about?

MONEY???!!!

MONEY???!!!

That sh*t. That sh*t that WE ALL NEED just to survive in this world.

WHY, DO WE DIE IF WE DON'T HAVE IT???

Ugh.

I think a lot on just living under the bridge, homeless. I mean, what worse things that could've happened if I don't have money?

But then, your family needs you. You need to feed them mouths.

OH NOES THEY DON'T NEED YOU THEY NEED YOUR MONEY! THOSE DAMN GREEN RED PAPER THING YOU KEEP INSIDE YOU WALLET/PURSES...THE THICKER YOU HAVE THE BETTER...

...

See how money becomes the thing that determines your life?

Oh don't you go around telling me, 'no, I'm not driven by money'...because it's all LIES!

In the end, you work because you want money. You go around searching for better jobs, even though you already have one, because you want MORE MONEY!

But...without money, how are you gonna put food in your mouth?

...

I don't know, eat grass or something?

See. Without money, YOU DIE.

***

God...forgive me. Please.