How should I live?

Bismillah.

I need some self reflection.

First, hey, finally.

He's married. 

Good. 

Now to wait for everyone else to do the same.

And for them to forget me.

Uhh somehow I just wanna disappear. Just to avoid expectation.

Second, heh. I'm still here.

Doing the same thing that I said I want to quit every other day. 

The same job. After one year plus.

And why am I still here.

Seems like I'm dreading whatever tasks they want me to do.

Then what do you like to do?

Hell, don't ask me that question, like  I said before (and LOTS of time before), I DON'T KNOW!

Can't you just leave me alone and see what kind of things I would made, what kind of human I would be?

Huh. Self reflection. 

What would I be when I'm 30? 

That is, if I even reach 30.

What do I have? Nothing.

Look at that. You said that, you ungrateful being.

You have a family, a roof above your head, food, money, things...

But why do I feel I own nothing?

But of course I own nothing. All of these, in this world just for play, it's not permanent.

It's Allah's.

...

My mind is full with a lot of things to do, projects to finish, activities to try...I feel like, I don't have enough time to do all this.

I don't have enough time to live the life that I wanted.

How? Anxious, on the verge of losing control.

How should I live then?