That 18+ 'thing'

Bismillah.

So I have a confession to make.

I am a bit annoyed that no one, NO ONE ever told me anything about this one thing.

I bet no one told you too. Well, maybe just some of you.

Do you know what I'm talking about?

I'm talking about that 18+ stuff. Yes, the stuff that married people do. And no, I won't mention that word here. IYKYK.

You know, there's a LOT of things wrong with how we're taught about this thing. Or the lack of education on it.

Or maybe that's just me. Maybe your parents or someone else did tell you about it.

But not me!

I never cared about this stuff. I didn't even know what's the deal with it, and why people talk about it so much. In movies, song lyrics, jokes etc. Heck, I used to hate it. Felt disgusted by it. To the point that I don't even care about marrying, as I might kick my significant other if he ever made a move. You know how some of us were taught that this thing is bad so we should avoid it like the plague, like how there were a lot of rape cases on the news that were scary and upsetting?

Makes me wonder how my friends are all marrying and getting children, while we all got education from the same place, around the same time. Maybe I'm the only mistake?

Hah, mistake or not, I'm a late bloomer I guess.

Yes, I used to hate it. But now...*sighs and facepalms*

NO ONE told me that we have all these damned hormones that we can't control!

All of a sudden, without warning, after 30+ years of living no less, I started to get curious about it. Because my body started to feel things. Think about things. For no freaking reason.

And it is making me repeatedly bang my head on the wall! (figuratively)

Seriously. SERIOUSLY.

You know, I told you I don't want to marry. I'm fine staying single. Because I don't want to sacrifice my freedom. Because I don't want to be someone else's slave. I don't want to be bothered dealing with people's problem. I'm ok playing with kids, but I'm also fine with having no children. No need to stay awake at nights or cleaning up after their mess.

But just because of this ONE friggin' reason, it's making me waver.

That's how frustratingly uncontrollable this thing is. If it can compete with my steadfast need for personal space, then it is a problem.

Is it worth sacrificing my freedom for?

*bangs head on the wall again*

...Should I take some hormonal pills?

Seriously...this thing is what drives me to stay online on all those dating apps. Previously it was my family who forced me to, but now I'm on there on my own volition.

Driven by freaking hormones.

And damn, it's not good AT ALL.

Kids, take this as a lesson. Don't be like me.

Don't let your relationship be driven by your hormones. Because that's just a huge mistake waiting to happen.

Not that it happened to me, not yet at least, hopefully never. But you should choose your partner based on sound thinking.

I think I did good on that part hopefully. I also think it has tighten my proverbial net of criteria for potential partners. Honestly, I even de-beautify my profile just to spite my hormones. Hah. I bet if you see my profile you'd stay away from me *smirks*.

Huh.

Whatever turns out from all those apps, at least the experience helps me learn more of myself and what I want.

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*sighs*

This is a test, for me, really.

God is giving me a test.

And I hope God helps me to be patient with it, too.

Dear God, forgive me.

And help me, please. 

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