You are (un)intentionally gaslighting! (Also, read this if people make you feel inadequate))

Bismillah.

So I had an epiphany today, I feel compelled to write it down now even though it's 1AM in the wee morning.

So last week I went to the park alone and just, like, walked around, had lunch all by myself. Guess what people said when they knew about it?

One guy at the park greeted me and asked where are my friends. I had to lie and said they went shopping.

My housemate also asked if I went there with a friend. I said no.

My brother said it would have been much more fun if you have a partner (read: husband) so that you can go jalan-jalan wherever you want with him.

ALL of these people saying these to me, as if I can't and won't be happy if I do it alone.

As if they are trying to guilt-trip me.

As if me, feeling happy and enjoying my time, is wrong if I don't have someone else with me.

HELLO!!!

This is the definition of gaslighting! (here's from Google: manipulate (someone) using psychological methods into questioning their own sanity or powers of reasoning)

You ARE making me question if my own feelings are wrong!!!

Grrr...I'm so angry.

I can't believe that I only realize this now.

All those weird feelings in my stomach whenever people ask where are my friends and why didn't I go with them. My feelings are actually trying to tell me something.

This...gap between what I really feel (i.e.: happy), versus what they expect me to feel (i.e.: a sad, lonely loser)

And DON'T even try to tell me that maybe I'm lying to myself, that maybe deep down I am feeling lonely.

Well, SCREW you! If you ever want to tell me that, that's taking gaslighting to the next level! You are invalidating my feelings, and again, making me question my own sanity.

And even if someone is lying to themselves (I'm giving you a wide benefit of doubt here), let them be! DO NOT gaslight them! If they are indeed wrong, give good advices and let them figure out on their own! That's the purpose of giving advices, so that they can learn! Not for YOU to CONTROL what they feel and and what they think!

Dear Allah...I feel angry. Huh.

If I feel happy going around, walking in parks, who are you to say it's a sad situation?

If I feel happy going to places and eating on my own, who are you to say that it's wrong?

I will ONLY tolerate another person being there with me, IF that person can make me feel more than happy being there.

If I feel enough on my own, of course I would expect the person wanting to be with me to make me feel even better! I won't even tolerate if that person makes me feel bad when doing things I like. Then I would rather do it alone!

I am enough! I am happy for myself! All these questioning whether I don't feel lonely or that I should have someone with me is just trying to make me feel bad!

Sure, I get it, being a loner is practically bad for the society because having a partner means you will be reproducing and making babies, meaning it is good for continuation of your generation line and good for humanity's survival and all that jazz...sure! Yeah, I get it. So your gaslighting is a result of societal pressure to not be alone and  have partners and make babies.

Sure...so I have to understand where you're coming from, but you don't need to understand MY point-of view?

So you're just saying I'm wrong for going against the grain?

Heck no, YOU are wrong. I am not going against the grain. I am not against marriage. I am just making sure that the person I'll be with is going to be worth my time. If he doesn't make me happier than I currently am, then why bother picking up extra work, RIGHT?

Just like you at your job! If the extra task your boss told you to pick won't result in higher bonus or salary, then why bother picking it up? In the end you will pick it up and RESENT it, won't you?

This is not too-high standard. This is BASIC! Not just for women but for men as well!

Huh. I wish my future self will remember to come back here and read this every time she feels lonely or inadequate.

Huh, I'm so mad I only notice this happening now. Well, at least I'm glad I finally notice it, rather than let myself wallow in self-doubt.

That's one thing to be thankful about.