Siapa cakap hanya Superman yang boleh jadi hero?

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim. Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh.

You know how does it feels when people expect you to do something that you know to be almost impossible to achieve?
Stttrrrrrressssssss! Kan?
Haha. Macam tu la jugak aku rasa sem ni. Huhu.
You know, my mom expect me to get Dean’s list for my degree. So I would have to maintain my CGPA to be above 3.5 until the end of these four years.
Didn’t it seem to be almost impossible? Memandangkan CGPA aku sekarang pun paras hidung Dean je. Aduh. Nasib baiklah Dean punya hidung tu mancung sikit. Haha.
Kalau aku dapat B+ pun untuk sesuatu subjek, kompem-kompem la tarik CGPA aku kan. Dah tak boleh nak score above 3.5. Huhu.

Ni baru satu subjek yang mencabar. Belum subjek sem depan lagi. Dan subjek tahun depan. Dan seterusnya. And I got 5 more semesters to go. Boleh ke aku maintain 3.5 without falling?
So I got tensed. Because of my mom’s expectation.

Huhu. Aduuu… tension kan bila cerita bab CGPA ni?
Hehe. Aku la. Korang, aku tak tau. Ala, korang kan pandai pandai…

Eh, eh, korang jangan ikut tension bila aku cerita bab CGPA ni. Huhu.
That expectation to get high CGPA is on me, not on you. Mak aku suruh aku  dapat high CGPA, bukan mak aku suruh kau.  So don’t get tensed unnecessarily. Aku yang sepatutnya tensed, bukan kau. Haha.
Well…
Maybe korang pun nak benda yang sama. Maybe korang pun nak dapat CGPA tinggi. Tak kira la mak suruh atau tak. Well, sapa yang tak nak kan?
But then,it raised up one question.
Is that what we really need?
Kenapa kita perlukan benda tu sebenarnya? Betul ke kita memang perlukan gila-gila benda tu? Kalau tak dapat, kita akan mati?

Hmm…I don’t think so.
Entah-entah kan, kita tak perlukan pun high CGPA tu. Because maybe in the future, without good grades pun kita dah mampu achieve our goals. Or maybe kita dah mampu jadi jutawan dah. Wow.
Ceyt, CGPA. Kau untuk apa sebenarnya? Haha.
Oh well. Apa-apa pun, we still want good CGPA kan? At least kita nak la jugak excel in everything we do kan.

Owh but remember, CGPA is not everything. Like I said earlier, entah-entah kita tak perlukan pun high CGPA tu. Entah-entah in the future, diorang (I mean the employers, authorities etc.) tak pandang pun pada high CGPA. They look for soft skills, don’t they?
Alaa…kelebihan korang kan banyak. Bukannya wajib dapat good CGPA baru boleh achieve goals or or get good jobs or dapat banyak duit. It all depends on your rezeki. And siapa yang bagi rezeki tu?
Allah kan?
He knows what you need, so He gives accordingly. He knows what you can handle, and what not. So He gives accordingly. Tak lebih, tak kurang. So that kita mampu nak handle apa yang Dia bagi, tak kira lah rezeki or ujian. Dia Tuhan kita. Dia tahu lah apa yang terbaik untuk kita. Dia yang cipta kita, kan?
So trust Him. Kalau tak percaya pada Dia, nak percaya pada sapa lagi?Manusia? Halloo…manusia tak perfect la.
Well, kalau nak lebih, boleh je. Mintak lah. Dia kan Baik? Lagi baik dari orang yang pernah buat perkara paling baik untuk kau.

Super Baik. Maha Baik.

And remember, setiap orang ada kelebihan masing-masing. Ergo, what you need may differ from what I need. Comparing your expectations with others may not work. What important is,we strive in doing what we know best. We know our own kelebihan, so focus on developing it. It’s our asset.
Khalid Al-Walid terrer strategi perang, so he polished his skills in it to win wars here and there, broadening Islamic empire. Albert Einstein terrer bab Fizik so he focused on that and published theories here and there, giving better understanding about the universe. They knew what their abilities were, and they polished it, so they became heroes in their fields.

Suparman

Relax. Dunia masih belum berakhir. Harapan masih cerah.
You guys have special abilities, too. Sapa cakap hanya Superman yang boleh jadi hero?

***

I told my friends yang aku risau nak exam subjek Math Method ni. But then diorang kata,
“Ala, kau boleh buat punya. Cakap je takut. Last-last dapat markah tinggi jugak.”

Haha. Now try reading it with a little bit of jealousy, menyampah, and a little bit of sarcasm maybe.

Hahahahahaha. Aku tau, korang tak berniat macam tu pun. But hey, I do feel a little bit turned down when you said that to me.

Aku cuma nak luahkan je perasaan takut aku tu, supaya aku tak tension sangat kalau aku dok pendam sorang-sorang. Last-last aku kena marah balik. Hahaha. Seolah-olah macam korang kata “Ala tak yah cakap ar. Tipu arr ko takut nak exam.” Macam aku tak dibenarkan untuk rasa takut.
Hey, aku pun manusia what.

But then…

Dalam kata-kata tu jugaklah doa. Yelah, kalau semua member yang aku jumpa cakap macam tu pada aku. “Ala…ko boleh buat la…” Mau tak makbulnya kata-kata tu. Ahahahahaha. Mak jugak yang untung~

Plus, expectations like that are what drive us to victory. A little bit of stress is needed for us to be brave enough to push our limit. Motivasi gak tu, walaupun argh sakit hati la jugak bila dengar orang cakap macam tu banyak kali kan. Hahaha.

And that’s when you need to talk to God. Stress? Of course, God is always there. Is He not?

Tapi kalau dah banyak kena stress macam tu, tak cakap dengan Tuhan jugak…aii tak tau lah. Silap hari bulan aku terjun keluar tingkap tingkat 4 ni ha. Hihi.

***

Alhamdulillah…
Lepas pun exam Math Method. Going through the exam feels like going on a war, you know. War! Haha hyperbola lebih

Haha. At least I’m happy after exam ni habis. Sebab Dr. Samsun bagi hints yang membantu kitorang untuk jawab paper ni. Hehehehehe.

Memanglah dia jugak yang suka bagi soalan susah-susah, but then he helped his students to answer the questions. Kira ok la tu. Hahaha.
Tapi kena hati-hati jugak. Dr. Samsun ni marking punya lah detail, salah sikit yang atas, memang yang bawah-bawah dia dah tak tengok. Dia pangkah terus.

Argh. Sebab tu la markah Mid-Sem exam dengan markah quiz aku teruk. Ahahaha.

4 mukasurat untuk satu soalan kau tau?!

Buat benda ni penat. Reti tu reti buat, tapi penat. Dan panjang. Dan sakit tengkuk asyik dok membongkok. Dah nak muntah rasanya sebab buat panjang-panjang tak habis-habis, last-last tengok jawapan salah.
Argh.

Pengalaman…pengalaman…Haha.
Tapi alhamdulillah. Allah bantu.
Allah bantu. Allah sayang.
And TQ Dr. Samsun!

***

Seeking knowledge for the truth, or seeking knowledge to gain marks for exam?
Contoh la dalam satu subjek ni, nak selesaikan satu masalah, kena guna satu teknik ni.
Kau tahu teknik A tu lah teknik yang betul sebenarnya, (you’ve made some calculations and searched it in the book and on the Net etc.) tapi lecturer tu kata teknik B yang betul.
So in exam, which technique would you use?

Kalau guna teknik A, kemungkinan lecturer tu akan pangkah jawapan kau, even though apa yang kau jawab is the truth.

Kalau kau guna teknik B, kompem la dapat markah. Dah teknik B yang lecturer tu kata betul.
Kau ikut cakap lecturer ke, kau jawab apa yang benar?
A question to ponder upon.

Butterflies tak pernah tengok cermin.

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim. Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh.

Have you heard one saying that goes like this: A butterfly is beautiful, but it doesn’t realize it.

Sebab dia tak penah tengok cermin. Haha senang je jawapannye.

Hahaha tak, tak, bukan itu maksud aku. OK OK back to the topic.

The saying above usually goes to a woman. A woman is beautiful, but she doesn’t realize it.

Aku dapat kata-kata (yang lebih kurang macam tu) daripada seorang kawan. Dia bagi kat aku, tengah aku down.

***

Korang mesti pernah rasa jeles kan? Haha kompem kompem la.

Jeles pada adik-beradik, jeles pada sedara-mara, jeles pada mak bapak (boleh ke?), jeles pada artis/orang kaya, jeles pada strangers pun ada , and lastly, jeles pada kawan.

Oh yeah I’m jealous with my friend. I’m jealous with my closest friend.

Everytime I’m with her, I’ll always notice kelebihan dia. And you know how long aku asyik berkepit dengan dia je. Haha. Nama pun dah closest friend.

Nope, nope. I’m not talking about jealousy from the negative aspects, I’m talking about the positive one. The one that sometimes causes my self-esteem to go down a bit.

Yep, she’s beautiful, elegant, funny, witty, happy-go-lucky, manja, cute, pandai bergaya, bijak, pandai bersosial, sopan, keperempuanan…aww you know, ciri-ciri seorang wanita Melayu terakhir.

And me?

Ganas, macam laki, suka pakai kaler hitam, tak pandai bergaya, loud, tak comel, over, pakai spek, tak pandai bercakap, penakut bla, bla, bla…………………………

Argh. There you go again. Tak bersyukur dengan apa yang ada.

Thank God, I really thank God, He gave me good grades. But does that means I’m clever?

Aku sendiri tak tau. Korang mungkin nampak aku bijak, but am I really that clever? Bolehkah aku menyelesaikan sesuatu masalah yang datang suddenly and desperately needs my cleverness? Would I be able to do that?

Argh, you’re kidding me.

You know, butterflies tak sedar yang dia cantik. Obviously sebab dia tak pernah tengok cermin. Tapi aku? Yup, hampir setiap pagi aku tengok cermin to see my face, other than being vigilant to see whoever walks into our room each time aku dengar bunyi pintu dikuak.

But what do I see in the mirror? Yup, I see myself, my face. I have a nice pair of eyes, alhamdulillah walaupun rabun I still can see this beautiful world that Allah creates. I see my nose, muncung sikit bertulang, aku warisi dari mak aku. Mulut, aku ada mulut. Mulut aku pun comel. Pipi, toksah cerita la. Tembam sikit, dah cuba nak kuruskan tapi tak boleh. Alhamdulillah cukup semua. Allah itu cantik dan Dia sukakan kecantikan.

I know, I am beautiful. You guys, whoever reading my post now, are also beautiful. We are all beautiful. I believe that.

But then, I go to class, I see Falaha, and bam! my pride of my ‘beauty’ comes down to earth.

Haha alhamdulillah. Itu mengingatkan aku supaya jangan bajek/perasan terlebih.

Well, everytime Falaha cakap, aku tenung dia. Mata dia bersinar, mulut dia comel, senyuman dia ceria. Ekspresi muka dia, jangan cakap la, Pelakon pun kalah.

Ahh…aku kalah. Aku jatuh cinta dengan dia. (Whoops. Jangan salah tafsir kat sini ea)

Yang paling obvious sekali ialah bila nak kena bercakap dengan orang. I am quite scared actually. Yeah, I’m an introverted person, and my interpersonal skills are quite bad.

Argh teruknya aku, kan?

But then Falaha manages to do it like magic! It always shocks me whenever she talks to people casually, without fear or shame. And what did I do at times like that? Hide behind her.

Ceyt, penakut. I once even felt scared to show her to my mother, afraid that my mother would favour her compared to me.

She is charming! Orang kalau first time jumpa dia mesti akan ingat dia. She manages to leave good impression of herself on people, even strangers. Lelaki, tak payah cakap. Falaha is the type of woman that all men want. No objection.

Cinderella yang charming

Haha boleh tak somehow I wanna feel jealous on this?

Yup, she told me that was somehow like a curse. I agree a bit on that. Freaky la kena kejar laki ni. Dalam sem ni dah lebih dua waiter kat restaurant dah yang mintak nombor dia.

Aku?

Oops jangan tanya. Aku, is the type of woman that men find just to be friends, and no more than friends. Or maybe even less than friends. Or maybe even enemies.

Solehah?

Yup. As always, she’s better than me.

Jadi, aku di mana?

Aku kat sini, hunching depan laptop, talking to an online diary which has not more than 10 people to actually read what I write. Maybe even less than 10.

So anti-social.

***

Yet I exist. And I stand to believe that I exist for a reason.

***

To Falaha, if you ever came to read this (harap-harap la tak sebab aku takut ko marah aku nanti!huhu), know that you are always special, beautiful, nice, elegant…and I know you have a high level of confidence so I know that you are one butterfly yang pernah tengok cermin. Hehe.

Just, thank you for complementing my weaknesses, okay? Love you. (and I always feel like I wanna kiss you on the cheek!XD )

Some sad post.

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim. Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh.

Hmm. Ada masalah, baru nak tulis kat blog ni. Kalau tak, berhabuk!

Haha. Betullah tu, problems add spices in you life.

Yup, I am planning for a makan-makan this coming weekend. Oh dear God, please make it happen, please help me.

Haha. Cerita disebalik reason of why I am organizing this makan-makan sounds quite stupid. It all started from a challenge.

Yup. Aku mencabar beliau.

And yup, it is quite stupid. Haha.

Yelah, mane tak nya, dia cakap, kalau dia turun Kuantan, aku kena belanja makan hotel.

Eleh, yelah tu. The probabilty of you guys coming down to Kuantan is like >0.00001! Not most likely to happen.

“Ok, we’ll see whether you will come to Kuantan or not. Entah-entah takkan luak duit aku agaknya~”

“Ooo…cabar ea…!!! Korang tunggu minggu depan ea, insyaAllah kitorang sampai.”

“Oh yeah sure, we’ll wait for you. But we do understand, you guys are SO busy, so we’ll forgive you if you didn’t come anyway…”

“Tak, minggu depan memang kitorang free, kalau tak free pun kitorang akan mem’free’kan diri masing-masing sebab dah noted yang ada orang nak belanja makan kat HOTEL Kuantan…(insyaAllah)”

Nyum, nyum sedapnye makan kat hotel~

“(Baca dengan nada serius) Baiklah. InsyaAllah minggu depan, kita makan kat hotel Kuantan, full stop. Deal?” (I’m being dead serious here, guys)

“Deal~” (Entah-entah dia tengah gelakkan aku, padan la muka aku kena keluarkan duit belanja diorang)

See, I told you it’s quite stupid. I am on the losing side. Because if they do come, I’ll have to use my pocket money to treat them to dinner, they will win the challenge. But if they don’t, they have nothing to lose.

Haha time ‘deal’ takde pulak aku pikir semua benda ni kan. Ah, tak kesah lah. Apa-apa pun, aku nak belanja famili aku.

***

Entah kenapa, one day aku rasa sedih la pulak kan. That time I was getting all pumped up over one thing but my friends thought that I was just kidding.

Ahh…but friends are still friends. You forgive them for whatever they did to you.

But then, dalam diam I felt like I was being ignored.

Well, tak kesah lah. I brushed away that feeling, being understanding.

Later that day I found a stray cat just beside a drain. It was looking so tired and unhealthy and I felt sorry for it. So I came closer. And I noticed that the cat was so skinny. Mata pun kotor. It didn’t even miaow pun.

“Jap tau kucing, saya pegi beli ikan jap…”

I quickly pitied that cat. I rushed back to the cafe and bought one fried fish from Cafe Lot 4.

“Lapa ea…kesian die. Nah, makan ea.”

Aku carik-carikkan isi ikan tu, supaya senang dia nak makan, Pastu aku letak depan dia.

Dia pandang sebelah mata je. Dia tak sentuh pun ikan tu. Bau pun tak.

“Makan la….nah, makan ea…”

But I won’t give up. Aku carik-carikkan lagi isi ikan tu, aku sua pada dia. But nope, it turned his head away from me.

Great. Now even a stray cat would ignore me.

Great. Now even a stray cat would ignore me.

You know that feeling, when you love someone so much, then he/she fell sick and you try to take care of him/her as good as you can, but that person would just turn his/her face away from you?

Macam orang tu dah makin hampir pada kematian dia, and he/she will try to ignore you so that you wouldn’t feel so sad when he’s gone. He doesn’t want you to take care of him anymore because he doesn’t want you to have feelings for him. Because he doesn’t want you to feel sad.

Ah…I tried to hold it in, but I couldn’t. I cried.

I was reminded of people being sick. Of my late father. Of my mother. Of my friend.

I have lost my father once. Now I’m afraid to lose others.

***

God, You know You have made me miss my father so much. I really miss holding his hand whenever we walk together, like a young lady being proud of her father although he’s old.

When I come home, who’s going to welcome me? Who’s going to be there, always ready for me?

Whose hand am I going to hold now? Whose hand am I going to hold now?

Who am I going to hug now? Who am I going to love now?

God, I know You do this for a reason. I trust You.

. . .

“Abah~… teman Tiah pergi East Coast Mall petang ni boleh?”

“Aok pergi sendiri tak boleh? Tu ambik motor abah tu bawak.”

“Aaaaaaaaa…~ abah~………”

“…Nak pegi pukul berapa?”

“Yay!”

*smiles happily*

***

Terima kasih krna menyayangi saya ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaaaha