Some sad post.

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim. Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh.

Hmm. Ada masalah, baru nak tulis kat blog ni. Kalau tak, berhabuk!

Haha. Betullah tu, problems add spices in you life.

Yup, I am planning for a makan-makan this coming weekend. Oh dear God, please make it happen, please help me.

Haha. Cerita disebalik reason of why I am organizing this makan-makan sounds quite stupid. It all started from a challenge.

Yup. Aku mencabar beliau.

And yup, it is quite stupid. Haha.

Yelah, mane tak nya, dia cakap, kalau dia turun Kuantan, aku kena belanja makan hotel.

Eleh, yelah tu. The probabilty of you guys coming down to Kuantan is like >0.00001! Not most likely to happen.

“Ok, we’ll see whether you will come to Kuantan or not. Entah-entah takkan luak duit aku agaknya~”

“Ooo…cabar ea…!!! Korang tunggu minggu depan ea, insyaAllah kitorang sampai.”

“Oh yeah sure, we’ll wait for you. But we do understand, you guys are SO busy, so we’ll forgive you if you didn’t come anyway…”

“Tak, minggu depan memang kitorang free, kalau tak free pun kitorang akan mem’free’kan diri masing-masing sebab dah noted yang ada orang nak belanja makan kat HOTEL Kuantan…(insyaAllah)”

Nyum, nyum sedapnye makan kat hotel~

“(Baca dengan nada serius) Baiklah. InsyaAllah minggu depan, kita makan kat hotel Kuantan, full stop. Deal?” (I’m being dead serious here, guys)

“Deal~” (Entah-entah dia tengah gelakkan aku, padan la muka aku kena keluarkan duit belanja diorang)

See, I told you it’s quite stupid. I am on the losing side. Because if they do come, I’ll have to use my pocket money to treat them to dinner, they will win the challenge. But if they don’t, they have nothing to lose.

Haha time ‘deal’ takde pulak aku pikir semua benda ni kan. Ah, tak kesah lah. Apa-apa pun, aku nak belanja famili aku.

***

Entah kenapa, one day aku rasa sedih la pulak kan. That time I was getting all pumped up over one thing but my friends thought that I was just kidding.

Ahh…but friends are still friends. You forgive them for whatever they did to you.

But then, dalam diam I felt like I was being ignored.

Well, tak kesah lah. I brushed away that feeling, being understanding.

Later that day I found a stray cat just beside a drain. It was looking so tired and unhealthy and I felt sorry for it. So I came closer. And I noticed that the cat was so skinny. Mata pun kotor. It didn’t even miaow pun.

“Jap tau kucing, saya pegi beli ikan jap…”

I quickly pitied that cat. I rushed back to the cafe and bought one fried fish from Cafe Lot 4.

“Lapa ea…kesian die. Nah, makan ea.”

Aku carik-carikkan isi ikan tu, supaya senang dia nak makan, Pastu aku letak depan dia.

Dia pandang sebelah mata je. Dia tak sentuh pun ikan tu. Bau pun tak.

“Makan la….nah, makan ea…”

But I won’t give up. Aku carik-carikkan lagi isi ikan tu, aku sua pada dia. But nope, it turned his head away from me.

Great. Now even a stray cat would ignore me.

Great. Now even a stray cat would ignore me.

You know that feeling, when you love someone so much, then he/she fell sick and you try to take care of him/her as good as you can, but that person would just turn his/her face away from you?

Macam orang tu dah makin hampir pada kematian dia, and he/she will try to ignore you so that you wouldn’t feel so sad when he’s gone. He doesn’t want you to take care of him anymore because he doesn’t want you to have feelings for him. Because he doesn’t want you to feel sad.

Ah…I tried to hold it in, but I couldn’t. I cried.

I was reminded of people being sick. Of my late father. Of my mother. Of my friend.

I have lost my father once. Now I’m afraid to lose others.

***

God, You know You have made me miss my father so much. I really miss holding his hand whenever we walk together, like a young lady being proud of her father although he’s old.

When I come home, who’s going to welcome me? Who’s going to be there, always ready for me?

Whose hand am I going to hold now? Whose hand am I going to hold now?

Who am I going to hug now? Who am I going to love now?

God, I know You do this for a reason. I trust You.

. . .

“Abah~… teman Tiah pergi East Coast Mall petang ni boleh?”

“Aok pergi sendiri tak boleh? Tu ambik motor abah tu bawak.”

“Aaaaaaaaa…~ abah~………”

“…Nak pegi pukul berapa?”

“Yay!”

*smiles happily*

***