Dear self,

Bismillah.

Dear my past self,

I bet you're not that happy to see what you've become now.

But, I bet you would not be disappointed either.

At least I have money now.

...Instead of happiness.

Lol.

Like what they say, working is better than studying. At least you get money from all the stress.

Well, you were not that happy too back then. You were saying this and that on your work life, on being lonely, on not having anything, on losing hope even.

Well, the present you isn't having any hopes either.

But at least she's not that depressed anymore.

Still not having anything that fit in what we'd call 'dream life', but still...

At least now it feels it's a little bit closer to reality than before.

Hey...look at that. I still have hopes!

- Just wait until the reality comes crashing it down like a steamroller.

...

Well, I don't know how long will this keep up.

I don't know how long will it stay this way.

I don't know...if it will go downhill from here.

At least, now...now I can breathe a bit.

Before the next storm comes.

...

Hey, past me.

Also, present me, and future me.

Do you think our life would be better in the future?

Or will we hide our sorrows, fake our smiles and be lonely till the day we die?

...I bet future me can't tell. Or else she'll be breaking the law of time travel: Not telling anyone on their future.

Lol.

 ***

How bad would the future be?

In peaceful time like this, I don't want to be swayed by its illusion.

Its illusion = it's temporary. Sooner or later, it won't be this peaceful anymore.

But it's fair.

Just as how peaceful times are temporary, so are the storms.

Those storms will pass, and peaceful times will come again.

Hey look! I have hopes again!

Lol...no.

Tengah senang, boleh la cakap macam ni.

Tengah susah, mula la rasa sempit.

***

Ya Allah, tolong...?

Protect me from losing hopes in You.

And dear future self,

Kalau kau stress-stress, kau buang aja duit tu, sedekah kat orang. Ada duit banyak-banyak pun tak guna. Ada dia buat kau bahagia?

Kalau rasa sempit, sedekah dan sedekah.