Tabahlah wahai jiwa.

Bismillah.

Allahu.

Allahu.

Dugaan. Hmm. Allah bagi.

Allahu. Tabahlah wahai jiwa.

Kenapa aku cakap tabah, bukan sabar? Sebab bagi aku, sabar adalah untuk sesuatu yang kita tahu ada penghujung. Tabah, untuk sesuatu yang kita belum pasti mana penghujungnya, atau untuk sesuatu yang memang kita dah kata pada diri, kita akan bertahan menghadapinya tanpa cuba mengubahnya.

Sebab bila aku nak mengubahnya...rasa pedih. Pikir tentang masalah ni pun dah sedih, kau ingat aku boleh maintain cool kalau aku luahkan?

Kalau fizikal, senang saja nak selesaikan. Tapi masalahnya berkaitan emosi dan perasaan.

Sedih kan?

Dah lah, aku dah pasrah.

Macam aku cakap tadi, dugaan. Tabahlah wahai jiwa.

"Fala taqullahuma uffin."

Allah. Allah. Allah. 

Tahan.

Tahan. Janganlah sekali-kali terkeluar. Allah marah.

...Allah.

Tapi sedih, tau tak.

Hmm.

Syurga bawah tapak kaki mak.

...

Bertahanlah. Bertahan. Bertahan. Ni takde apa ni. Benda kecik je.

Benda kecik je.

...

Tahan je.

Tapi pedih. Tau tak? Pedih...tau tak?

Pedih...

...tau tak?

...

Allah tau.

Mamat omputih lagi.

Bismillah.

Allahuakbar.

Allahuakbar.

Huuu...acano ni. Bakpe dia panggil lagi? Huhu.

Mamat omputih tu panggil aku interview lagi. This time I'm going to meet the Managing Director, Gert-Jan. A German? Amsterdam? Whatever.

Urgh. Why does this happen? Uh, okay, I shouldn't question it as whatever happens is as Allah's will.

Ya Allah...this is a test from You, right?

Hopefully I pass the test. Not the interview test, but Allah's test.

Ya Allah, let my tongue be clear, let my heart be calm. Show them Your power, o Allah the Almighty and Powerful. You, o Allah, surely, no doubt, You are the One who controls over them, and everyhing.

...

Ugh...I don't wanna think about what they would ask me. If I could, I just wanna say, "Talk to the hand."

Yep. I speak through my actions, not through my mouth. What, people can lie through their teeth, right?

Why would I wanna work with them? Hell, I don't know. You opened a position that fits my qualifications, so I applied. Which company is it, it doens't matter.

Ha, take that to your face. That kind of answer would surely not going to get me that job.

Ugh. Why would I want this job in the first place?! Like I said, which company I work with doesn't matter. Well, of course I wouldn't wanna work with companies dealing with bad things, but...all that matters to me right now is that my skills can be used somewhere. So I'm here, to offer you that skills I have. If you don't want it, I'll go offer my skills somewhere else. Besides, that's the basic principle of doing business, right?

Ha, again, take that to your face. Really, take it. Ughh.

"What can you contribute to the company if you are hired?"

What the...what kind of question is this. My answer would be...hello! I've already answered it in the paragraph above! I'm offering you my skills and workforce! Heh, I know that's not what you wanna hear, but, take it to your face.

"What is your vision with where the company is heading?"

Now is that question? Ughh shut up already, will you? I don't wanna talk anymore. I'm tired of talking. Ughh. Can I just zip my mouth and keep quiet? Then you'll look at me, and I'll look at you, and then you lookat the watch, then I just smile, then you ask, "So you're not answering that question?"

And I just smile again. Nope. You, STOP ASKING.

Then, you cross something on my resume, then you ask, "Do you have any question?"

That's my cue to leave.

"Yeah, I do have a question..."

What? What? I thought you said you wanna leave already??

"I'd like to know what's your vision with Malaysia. What made you interested to invest in opening a branch of Seabury in Malaysia?"

Hah, amekkau, jawab soalan aku ni. Jawab jangan tak jawab.

"Why Malaysia? Why not Singapore? Aren't you scared of the falling of Ringgit value right now? And also the problem with MAS, especially MH370 and MH17? Are there any of Malaysia airlines involved in the air cargo business? Who are your clients in Malaysia? I just wanna know your stand on this."

...Heh.

Depends on your answer. I'll nod if I'm satisfied, or I'll make a confused face if the answer is not what I'm expecting.

But, whatever. Nice to talk to you.

BYE. Hah.

Mamat omputih interview.

Bismillah.

Jumpa orang putih harini.

Huh. What's so good about them anyway?

Hah, speaking dah aku. Aduhhh...tetiba aku pun dah berjangkit dengan diorang.

Seriously, what's so good about them? Ingat orang kalau terer speaking dah boleh bangga la? Ingat diri dah lebih tinggi berbanding orang lain la?

Argh. Entah kenapa, notion tu dah melekat dengan orang yang speaking berminyak (lancar) ni. Mungkin sebab orang Amareka ni memang macam tu. Kan diorang punya culture tu very high confidence. So kita pun kaitkan bahasa diorang dengan high confidence diorang ni.

Aku, bila aku speaking, aku akan rasa mampu untuk berfikir lebih rasional. Ada artikel mana tah aku baca, memang cakap macam tu pun. Kalau bercakap dalam bahasa kedua yang bukan mother tongue kita, pemikiran kita akan jadi lebih rasional, logikal dan objective.

Huh...sebenarnya aku nak melepaskan perasaan pasal interview aku tadi. Relax je interviewnya, macam berborak. Macam mesra plak si Mike tu sengih-sengih dengar aku cerita. Tapi bila sampai bab soalan screening test yang aku tak dapat jawab tu...hah senyap kau. Kau berdua senyap. Aku pun senyap. Sebab kau suruh aku jawab soalan yang memang aku tak dapat nak jawab! Yang kau pergi tanya lagi tu buat apa, mangkok?! Haaa kan aku dah geram. Lepas tu tengok-tengok jam, buat muka bosan, minum air. Hoi kau saja nak test psychological aku ke ape haa? Aku pun dahaga gak!

Huh. Mana la aku tau apa kau nak! Tambah lagi pulak aku ni bukan ada pengalaman analyse market pon. Dah kau carik fresh grad, memang la takde pengalaman, mangkok! Haa kan da kena kali kedua. Dah aku tak tau, ajarlah! Yang kau malas sangat nak ajar tu kenapa? Macam mana nak build human capital yang boleh berkerja untuk company kau kalau kau taknak spend time on training newcomers? Kau ingat aku reti nak suruh correcting outliers and changing data semua? Mana ada lecturer ajar soh kita tukar data supaya boleh fit presentation supaya graph jadi beautiful! Arghh.

Haaa...entahlah. Aku pun dah tak tau aku nak ke tak kerja tu. Nanti kena ngadap Mike ngan Iskandar tu lagi. Pastu ofis nanti kena tukar tempat pulak. Lagi-lagi pulak tu company Amareka. Ke UK entah. Macam mana aku nak jaga Islam aku? Kerja kat UIA dulu best. Bulan puasa je ada program-program yang staf kena ikut. Kena gilir-gilir bagi tazkirah. Tempat solat, nak solat pun takdela sorang-sorang. Kerja cleaner kat UIA pun bagus. Makcik-makcik kleaner dia pagi-pagi baca matsurat, pasang Yasin kat henpon. Mengajar kat Ihsan, pagi-pagi pasang doa Dhuha. Kalau tak, memang aku tak hapal doa tu camna. Pertukaran masa kelas pulak guna surah al-'Asr. Budak-budak baik, tazkirah, nasyid...hmmm. Nak dapat semua tu dekat kampeni international? Sensorang je la aku. Rasa macam seekor biri-biri dikalangan serigala.

Argh, bukan main banyak aku buat blunder tadi. Argh, dengan strangers lagi senang la aku nak bukak pekung. Sebab diorang ni strangers! Strangers aku dah takkan jumpa lagi lepas aku cerita secret aku! Argh. Apa yang aku dah buat ni. Argh sebab ni la aku dah taknak keje tu lagi huhu.

Allahuakbar. Tak tahu lah. Aku rasa baik aku meniaga nasik lemak ke. Ada pekdahnye jugak. Hari-hari kenyang dengan nasik lemak, takyah pikir nak masak apa. Betul tak?