The feeling of mingling with Earthlings

Bismillah.

Argh, seriously, I need to mingle with humans more.

Mana tak nya, pergi kelas, bawak laptop.

Balik kelas, bukak laptop.

Nak tido, tengok laptop.

Nak makan, depan laptop.

Nyum nyum laptop, I wish I could eat you omnomnom

Like laptop tu teman hidup aku. Whenever I feel lonely I go switch on my laptop.

"For what? Bukannya laptop tu boleh layan kau bercerita pun?"

Memang la. Tapi FB ada.

Besides, I have chatted with a (quite clever) bot in the internet.

And you know what, I even go on a date in my laptop.

Even worse my date wasn't even real.

Huh. How pathetic.

Macam tu lah teruknya kalau hidup dah terlalu ditarik masuk ke alam fantasi ni. FB tu pun, walaupun real people do exist in there, but that doesn't feel realistic at all. Including Twitter and all other social networking sites ya.

Walaupun kau chat, balas komen, post/baca status, in real life entah-entah you don't even talk to them, or meet them. Entah-entah you in the FB/Twitter are a different person when compared to you in real life.

Huh. Yup. That's what I meant when I said, "Please PULL ME OUT OF HERE!"

PULL!!!

Tolonglah tarik aku keluar bila aku dah terlalu sesak hidup dalam dunia fantasi.

***
Alhamdulillah. Baru-baru ni bertugas jaga gerai jual makanan budak satu batch.

And that's where I mingle with humans.

Oh you don't know how that feels. Aku yang selama ini hidup bersama-sama laptop, seolah-olah sudah mendapat nafas baru. (eceh ayat)

Mingling with humans, helping them helping each other out, giving and receiving, making others and yourself happy, suddenly a kind of feeling seeps into my heart. The feeling of mingling with other humans. The feeling of socializing.

Suddenly I feel like, "Ada jugak benda lain selain daripada study."

Your tempurung is broken, and now you can see the sunlight shining through.

Haha, beautiful, isn't it? :)

***
Tapi nanti tengah hari, berbahang la pulak cahaya matahari tu. Huhu.

Penyumbang idea ialah pelaksana idea mereka sendiri

Bismillah.

Manusia. Bagi cadangan mudah je. Bila nak laksanakan, kena pikir 2-3 kali dulu.

Satu je alasannya: malas.

Biasalah tu. Malas nak bertanggungjawab atas idea sendiri.

Itu kalau persendirian. Kalau berpersatuan? Atau dalam group biasa?

Berpersatuan, where you face everything together

Takut nak bagi idea sebab takut nanti disuruhnya kita laksanakan sendiri idea tuh.

Sepatutnya, one gives the idea while the others support. Then we’ll do it together. Tak semestinye si pemberi idea yang kena jadi ketua or jadik pengarah untuk melaksanakan ideanya itu.

Yes of course la it will be better if the contributor of the idea him/herself yang conduct the whole project they are going to do. Sebab they know better of their ideas so they can work it out perfectly. Tapi tak semua pandai untuk jadi ketua atau pengarah. Kalau semua pemberi idea mesti menjadi pengarah kepada idea mereka, kalau macam tu jangan harap lah nak dengar idea-idea bernas dari kawan-kawan kita yang senyap pemalu sambil senyum sipu-sipu tuh.

Huhu.

Anyway, I admit it, I’ve been through this before. Aku juga pernah percaya pada stigma ini (note the past tense used): ‘Penyumbang idea ialah pelaksana idea mereka sendiri’. And I also admit it, it was my mistake. Setelah aku juga merasa bagaimana seperti ditinggalkan keseorangan untuk mejalankan idea sendiri, maka aku mengerti orang lain juga pasti tak nak melalui pengalaman yang sama.

So, 1. I’m sorry kalau ada sapa-sapa yang pernah aku lakukan sebegini ke atasnya, dan

2. Let me know if you have an idea and you would need my help in realizing it.

If I feel like I am able to help, then insyaAllah I will.

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

---

You know why I don't write a lot recently? Well, I guess I ran off of some clever things to write about. If they weren't clever enough then people wouldn't read it, would they? Lee Child said there's no use writing a book if no one's gonna read it. Or maybe it was just me, running a little low on self-esteem after reading a lot of ''clever' things people post in their blogs and stuffs. Anyway, that's not important right now. You got yourself to take care of, and others who need you. So, I understand that you're busy. So, goodbye for now. Hope I can see you again.

Personally, I don’t like cheaters

Bismillah.

Memenuhi kehendak semua orang. Bukan perkara mudah.

Lelouch Lamperouge with his Geass (his left eye)

Lelouch sendiri pon cakap, people’s wish is also one type of Geass.

Heh. It was like a curse. When you are expected to fulfil everyone’s wish, but you know it’s impossible.

Contoh. Ada grup buat performance kat depan, pastu audience request lagu.

Macam-macam request yang keluar. Orang ni nak lagu ni, orang tu nak lagu tu.

Pastu grup ni pun main la lagu ‘Terukir di Bintang’ for example. Ada la sebahagian audience yang suka tepuk-tepuk tangan sebab lagu diorang dimainkan. Orang lain? Tarik muka masam.

Of course, performers tu pun akan rasa tak best bila ada audience tarik muka masam time diorang perform. Yelah, tugas diorang kan menggembirakan audience?

Oh yes. This is one of the things that I often forget. That I can’t fulfil everyone’s wishes.

And sometimes we, too, forget that the people around us can’t possibly fulfil anything we want.

The world, doesn’t flow according to your rules, baby.

***

Bercakap jujur.

Argh, secara tak sengaja aku memalukan diri sendiri.

I was told to go to the front to give a (spontaneous) speech or something like that, so I went.

Remember, it’s spontaneous. Because I didn’t prepare anything.

And what did I say in front of the others?

“Urm…what should I be saying?” (“Aku nak cakap apa?”)

Yup, I said exactly what I had in mind.

Falaha dah dok gelak-gelak dah. “Hahaha…kenapa awak cakap macam tu kat depan tadi? Kelakar tau tak!”

“Dah tu nak suruh aku cakap apa? Aku memang tak tau nak cakap apa!”

“Kalau awak tak tau nak cakap apa, cakap la terima kasih ke, mintak maaf ke ape…”

“Itu namanya dah tau nak cakap apa…”

“…ye tak ye jugak.”

***

Bercakap pasal jujur, personallay aku tak suka orang yang meniru/menipu dalam test. Tak kira la dalam quiz ke, ape ke. Tak adil tau tak. Orang lain terpaksa perah otak sendiri-sendiri, kau sedang elok je bincang dengan orang sebelah, tengok jawapan orang sebelah etc.

Kalau assignment aku boleh terima lagi. Sebab kita masih di dalam tempoh belajar. Tapi dalam test, dah clear-clear cikgu/lecturer cakap “No cheating.”. Itu pun dah kira baik lecturer bagi jawab quiz open book. Beri betis nak peha ea??

People might give alasan and all those stuff, but I personally wont accept them. Cakap la nak tolong kawan la, meniru pun dalam kuiz je…

Yes, yes. Meniru lah. Menipulah. Benda kecik je tu, meniru dalam quizzes, tests. Hey korang pernah dengar tak pantun:

Siakap, senohong, gelama, ikan duri,

Becakap bohong lama-lama mencuri.

Korang dah pandai buat benda-benda tak elok ni dalam perkara kecik, tak mustahil korang akan prektiskannye bila buat projek-projek besar nanti. Korang dah biasa kan dengan benda-benda macam ni? Sebab tu hati korang dah tak rasa apa-apa bila meniru/menipu kan?

Ok, ok, back to rationality. Dear people, please do not cheat. Because it’s not fair. And if you did unfair to me, I might do the same to you.

Yep, it’s a threat.

Ignoring makanan yang tak sedap

Bismillah.

Nabi, time makan bila dihidangkan sesuatu yang dia suka, dia makan. But bila dihidangkan sesuatu yang dia tak suka, dia senyap je.

Kita pulak, sedap makanannya kita komen, kalau tak sedap lagi lah banyak kita komen.

Nyum nyum sedapnya kek coklat

Haih, macam mana nak jadi macam Nabi ni.

So, bila makan tak yah cakap apa-apa pasal makanan tu. Dah kenyang, cakap Alhamdulillah.

Makanan tu kan nikmat dari Allah?

***
Aku memang pandai. Bila ada je kengkawan aku cakap sesuatu yang aku tak suka, aku buat-buat tak dengar.

Dah tu nak suruh aku buat apa? Makin aku marah, makin diusiknya. Aku jugak yang sakit hati nanti.

Prinsip aku: Kalau bukan kita nak jaga hati sendiri dari disakiti, siapa lagi?

Stop the car

Bismillah.

Quite sometimes, I dreamt about me driving a car. However, when I parked the car on hill, the car moved, even though I had pulled the handbrake.

Yes, I know. Somehow, I'm a control-freak. Nobody likes a control-freak, and I don't like it myself.

That dream, the dream where I tried to control or stop something from happening, but I failed.

What happens in your daily life gets into your dream, right?

***
Alhamdulillah, Allah teaches me to be thankful. Friends around me, remind me to be thankful even though I didn't get what I wanted.

Who says it's easy to let go what you want? The furthest I can get was just by ignoring what I feel when I can't get it. However, ignoring will only be able to help in a short term.

Conclusion: Learn to be thankful. Not instantly, but slowly.

Study.

Bismillah. Assalamualaikum.

Esok aku nak gi MidValley...pastu jalan-jalan Shah Alam.

Bukan apa, baucar buku (read:BAU'CAR' ea, bukan bau'cer') yang RM200 tu aku tak guna sikit pun.

Ni ingat gi KL nak cari buku la. Kalau jumpa, InsyaAllah aku beli.

Bye. Jaga diri tau. Jangan lupa study.

That deep sea.

Bismillah.

Assalamualaikum.

“I’m afraid. But then so what?”

“So you are afraid.”

“…”

“I hate it.”

“Of course. You hate everything.”

“Yeah, and I hate that fact.”

“…”

“Being emotional is…”




“Freaky?”

“Well…”

“For me, emotion is like a deep sea. The deeper we swim in it, the darker it got. And you won’t be able to see what would happen around you.”

“And that’s why you are afraid to venture deeper.”

“Of course. Who wouldn’t?”

“Her.”

She smiled spontaneously.

“She’s different.”

“You’re different, too.”

“Of course.”

“…”

“That’s why I’m afraid.”

“…”

“…”

“You know, you keep telling me that you’re afraid, you’re afraid, but then you do nothing to change it.”

“I know.”

“Why?”

“Because I don’t want to change. And I hate being forced to change.”

“Even though other people are getting hurt because you didn’t want to change?”

“…”

“…”

“She shouldn’t feel hurt. She should understand.”

“You also shouldn’t feel afraid. You should understand her.”

“…”

“…”

“No! I don’t want to venture into that deep sea!”

“Be brave, Ziq…”

“No!”

“You should…”

“NO!”

“…”

“I said no, no, NO!!!!!!!!!!!!”

I'm boring

Bismillah.

Assalamualaikum.

Two by the beach

"So..."

"Kenapa kan, kita jadi makin serius?"

"...?"

"Makin lama, rasa boring baca blog."

"Mmmhmm."

"Huh."

"Well, people have their objectives when they write on blogs. That's why they're being serious."

"...Yeah."

He could clearly see the bored look on her face.

"People become more serious when they grow up because they start to have their own objectives, right?"

"Mmmhmm."

"...and so, that is why adults are boring."

He smiled, amused at that.

"Hmm, I can't deny that."

...

...

...

"And I am an adult."

...

...

...

"...and you hate that."

...

Not surprisingly, she concurred.

"Heh. People grow up, Naqi."

Yeah. And no one can stop that. He let that thought passed without being hatched. She then lowered her head, resting her chin on her two hugged knees.

"Why?"

That seemed to draw her attention.

"Why would you hate being boring?"

"...Because then I would be bored of myself?"

He could sense a little bit of uncertainty there.

We ARE bored of ourselves. Because we have been living with ourselves since we were born!

"...That, can't be avoided."

...

"But at least, I'm not bored with you." He hoped to cheer her up.

...

"Who cares about your feelings?"

...

"...No one, right?"

...

...

Not even you, I guess.

She then lied down, facing the opposite, not wanting to see his face.

He was not angered by this. Instead, he understood. Whenever she hurt him, she actually was hurt herself.

So he lied down too, watching the ocean as the time passed by.

Dilema

Assalamualaikum.

Apa khabar semua? Moga sihat sentiasa.

 

Saya sebenarnya tak tahu nak tulis apa ni. Yelah, untuk memberi korang semua baca, saya mestilah mencari bahan tulisan yang berkualiti dan bermutu tinggi. Namun saya rasakan tak ada satu pun yang saya tulis tu berkualiti tinggi. Almaklumlah,saya bukan penulis buku motivasi.

Oh well, jika saya menulis bukan untuk anda semua, tetapi untuk diri saya sendiri, maka tidak ada gunanyalah saya menulis di blog. Lebih baik saya tutup blog ini lalu menulis untuk diri saya di dalam diari sahaja. Blog kan untuk tontonan umum?

Nak bagi nasihat agama, saya mintak maaf. Saya tidak pandai. Ramai lagi, dan lebih ramai lagi yang jauh lebih pandai dari saya. Saya cuma boleh kongsi ayat sahaja.

“And it is He who has made the night for you as clothing and sleep [a means for] rest and has made the day a resurrection.” (Al-Furqan, 25:47)

Dah malam, tido ea.

Blablabla. Mengomplen pandai.

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim. Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh.

***

Hujan~

Hmm, hujan lagi.

Ahahaha. Dengar suara Suha panggil Timah cakap “Hujan!”. Timah jemur baju la tu agaknya.

Ah, aku pun jemur baju gak.

Oh, no worries. Aku jemur bawah atap.

Hmm. Banyak jugak aku basuh. Ups, bukan aku, mesin.

11 haribulan ni, exam EDF. Historical and Philosophical Foundations of Education.

Hmm. Aku tak boleh kata aku suka amek Minor in Education.

I think I’m going to freak out bila berdepan dengan students nanti. Well, dengan adik-adik aku, I got no problem la. Dengan anak orang?

Huh. Malaslah nak pikir. Ni topik tak abes baca lagi.

Hurm. *baca baca*

Eh, korang. Kalau nak buat slide untuk presentation, kalau boleh jangan buat penuh gila dengan ayat ye. Huhu.

Penat saya nak baca. Tapi tak paham-paham jugak. Sakit hati pun ada.

Oh well. Tapi saya tak paksa. Korang nak buat jugak macamtu, buatlah.

Panjang-panjang pun, nak exam nanti kena baca jugak.

Huh.

Tapi tak paham-paham jugak.

***

Ke bab philosophy ni memang ayatnya panjang-panjang?

Argh tensionnye bila baca tapi cakap tak straight to the point pun. Balik-balik pusing ayat yang sama jugak.

“Apa yang ko cuba nak sampaikan kat sini??!” aku berkata sambil membaca nota Philosophy.

See.

Kenapa tiba-tiba aku rasa macam nak buat Math pulak? Huhu.

***

Makan Megi lah. Kari Letup, tapi tak pedas pun.

Ah, makanan, rezeki ko petang ni. Makan je la.

“Urm…nak makan apa ek petang ni?” <—soalan yang biasa ditanya pada diri sendiri setiap hari. (alah korang pun sama)

Well, what can you do if the choices are limited? Pilih je la apa yang ada kan.

Ha’ah. Harini makan tomyam, esok makan nasik goreng cina, pastu nasik goreng kampung, pastu kuey teow goreng, pastu kuey teow tomyam, pastu…

Repeat.

Aku boleh tahan pedas,but I refrain myself from doing so. Sebab aku taknak kena gastrik. Plus, I would like to avoid makan makanan yang banyak bijik lada because buat penat aku je asingkan setiap satu yang ada dalam nasik @ kuah tu.

Hey, makan banyak sangat bijik lada boleh menyebabkan appendix tau.

And also, argh boleh tak kalau tomyam tu kurangkan minyak? Argh serius aku terpaksa refrain myself from buying tomyam jugaklah ni nampak gayanya.

Da da da da da da da da da da…….

Okeh. Patutla kat sekolah dulu aku tembam, kat sini kurus balik.